A SMALL STEP FOR A HUMAN, A BIG STEP FOR HUMANITY.
ONLY IN MY CASE, THE OTHER WAY AROUND.
Out of all the events of 2014, the most shocking for me was of course a very personal one. Extremely small in the perspective of the world, but which shook me to the core. Here it goes: my little sister turned 30.
Now, when that happened, I did not just feel old, I felt astonished. I literally could not comprehend how time went by so fast. It was like I woke up from a long dream, and the last thing I clearly remember was her being 6 and going to school, gazing at me with the biggest scared green eyes, as I walked out of the classroom, leaving her all alone for the first time. The rest is a lot, a lot of fast forward events that I struggle to remember. What did we do during this time, how did we grow up first together and then apart, to end up in different corners of the world?
Just to make it clear: this is not an article about my sister and I; it is an article about time. About leaving behind 2014 without having one clear memory about it. Definitely not because I did a limited number of things; quite the contrary, maybe I did too much. Also not because the things I did were insignificant; I started some of the biggest projects of my life last year. So what was it then?!
WASTE MONEY IN YOUR MEMORIES!
I would just love to see an advertisement like this, instead of “invest in your memories” 🙂
Because it hit me: things that you don’t rehearse (as in repeat with a certain frequency) eventually become inaccessible in your memory. The sad part is this mainly applies to the biggest, unique events of your life. You can’t redo the first kiss, the first night of love, the first time you give birth, the big proposal, the most beautiful adventure you’ve ever lived.
You gradually lose the details, the stories, and the reasons why you’ve decided to do them in the first place. Sometimes you even forget events all together. We all do it; it’s in the laws of memory.
So it made me wonder: what’s with all these sayings then? “Memories never die”, “time changes, memories don’t”, “collect memories, not objects”. What memories? Maybe if I had an object, I would at least see something in front of my eyes! 🙂 The most we are left with is a feeling. A feeling we did good or not, we had a full life or not.
I have planned my wedding day for a whole year, and the one thing that I clearly remember is being happy the next day. I don’t even have a clear picture of the color of my dress anymore. I have written my first article on the blog approximately one year ago, in the beginning of the infamous 2014 and it was a dream that came true. It took me a week to write it and now I have a blurry notion about the topic and almost zero recollection about the argumentation.
If I were to die tomorrow, I’m sure I won’t remember any specific moment of my life. I do believe life is like an exam: at the end of if, you can’t remember exactly what you did, but you feel good or bad about your performance. Sometimes you know for sure what you did wrong (the regrets) or when you did outstanding (achievements). But overall it’s a feeling.
NOW A FEELING, ONCE A CORNERSTONE IN YOUR PERSONALITY
But don’t go to your dark place, I said to myself, virtually slapping my face with a piece of another undeniable truth: we may not remember all the events in our life, but they sure leave a permanent trace. Not in our memory, but in our personality.
Everything we do, live, experience, contributes in a way to who we are now. Every city we’ve visited, concert we attended, person we loved, person we left behind, experience we tried has a place in our mind. Some even on our bodies.
In the end, life is not a box of memories; life is like water that washes over a stone year after year, shaping it in a unique manner.
Ok, now that I cleared that disturbing thought out of my mind, how do I feel more the things I have done? Make my memories linger more? Forget the obvious answer: take more pictures. The more pictures I take, the less time I have to go over them.
I don’t want the present time to slip through my fingers anymore. Because I finally understood my issue with 2014: I couldn’t clearly remember the past, I was too busy planning the future and I simply missed living in the moment.
So, contrary to all the resolution lists of 2015, I suggest one thing to you and myself: DO NOTHING. And then do some more nothing. Have at least 1 h per week in which you just gaze out the window and remember the past days. Just feel the present. Feel every second passing. So at the end of 2015, time won’t catch you by surprise! Because you took time, to spend time with… the time.