The Drowned World or How I Finally Decided to Quit Modeling

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“Oh noooo! Not the high heels shoes! The flat ones! Don’t you see? They don’t fit!” screamed at me the designer. She had a horrified look in her eyes, as if I just slaughter her little baby and then gave her his blood to drink it. This happened a second after she was helplessly trying to dress me up with her new creation and she couldn’t remember how to put it on… It took her no less than ten minutes to succeed and then she went to the photographer all victorious and thrilled.

She did it.

I wanted to ask her what was in fact the reason of her huge happiness and desperately wanted to check my iPhone for breaking news. Was it peace in the Middle East? Was the poverty in Africa over? Did something really good happen? But no. It was just her being happy that she managed to put on a dress. I still remember her huge grin that didn’t express anything more than ignorance and naivety. I started laughing and went back to the set.

They asked me why I was so amused. How could I explain that I find them extremely ridiculous and this whole world is a big circus full of performers that think that they are stars? After all, I’m part of the caravan. I’m the little monkey dancing on the rope and waiting for the others’ applauses. So how I could I blame them when I’m already in the game and play along with them? I just told them that I had a hard week and that everything made me laugh at that point. I was too tired to think of another excuse and I didn’t care much about what they thought anyway.

I continued shooting. The photographer continued shouting “che bella” for at least another hundred times and I had to pretend I was smiling for the same number of times. We were finally done. They all clapped at the end and thanked me for the lovely day. I “congratulated” myself for having the power to finish the day. Thank God that the show was over. I wasn’t able to smile any longer and to pretend I was happy.

Just another selfie

Just another selfie

I’ve been asked over and over again in the last years why did I quit modeling. Why didn’t I continue since I was so young? People keep telling me that I still look like when I was 21, that I can make loads of money and travel around the world. I keep telling them that I wanted to be somewhere closer to my true self and to build myself a new life. Yes, I could have continued for a little more time and I could have postponed my plans. The truth is that I was sick of being surrounded by people getting hysterical when the buttons of my shirt didn’t fit the color of my nail polish. The same people that behaved like they invented the antidote against leukemia. Relax people! It’s just fashion. Nobody died because of it. As well as people’s lives won’t be saved because of it.

One of my first polas  taken at my agency in LA

One of my first polas taken at my agency in LA

Almost all the bad reputation of fashion is true. It is also true what working as a model is not glamorous at all. Ask anybody. Shooting the bikini collection in the snow, spending your time between hotels and airports, being alone and far from your family are just a few of the less glamorous life. It’s an immense hard physical work first of all and sometimes an emotional challenge to get into the role of the character. The irony is, that although is similar to acting, nobody sees you as an actor. Nobody sees you as playing a character, but rather a de-personalize mannequin.

Models Do Eat!

Models Do Eat!

What is also true is, as the process lack any glamor, it is totally different the outcome. The final product. When you see your face on a billboard. Or on a magazine. You kind of have the feeling that you are doing something important and you stick in for some more time.

In a way, of course it has its importance. Paraphrasing a quote from the Devil Wears Prada: everything that we wear today it the result of a designer concept that was once on the podium. Of course clothes help us express your personality and makes us feel better about ourselves. But let’s not exaggerate de importance of that. And fashion does exaggerate it.

On one hand, I’m very grateful for what the ten years of modeling offered me: lots of traveling, a million learnt lessons, life experiences for two life times, many happy moments and a huge satisfaction that I managed to do so many things at a such a young age.

My friend Shavit & I on the set taking a duck-face selfie

My friend Shavit & I on the set taking a duck-face selfie

On the other hand, I finally had the courage to say that enough is enough. I’ve decided to say stop and to drown this world. It was time for me to move forward. I needed to do something that made me happy. It was time for a new start. And only that idea made me smile.  A real time this time, a smile from my heart.

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Luca is the founder of No, it’s not a he, but a she and she’s not Italian but Romanian. She’s currently based in sunny Portugal and in her past life she was a world traveling fashion model jumping from one exotic location to the next. Her motto in life is that the world is a book – the more you see the better the story. While she has a great interest for fashion and travel, her love for people is greater. She is a certificated coach in positive psychology and a happiness trainer. On top of that, a proud mom of twins. She thinks being a mom is the most challenging, difficult and definitely most rewarding jobs she has ever had.


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