4 “Ugh!” Stories That Happen Before 15:00 on a Normal Day in Yiwu

By Inbar Carmeli | April 24, 2014

So…I live in Yiwu.

That’s in China.

It’s the place where accessories are born.

Oh, the happiness. You might think it’s magical with all the miracle of birth and all, but this is far from the truth! Let me tell you why.

So a year and a half ago, when my Israeli boss asked me “wanna move to this hellish, polluted, boring, nothing-to-do, no-people-around place”, of course I said yeah.

After jumping up and down, running around in circles and high-fiving myself Barney Style (yes, I’ve just made a “How I Met Your Mother” reference), I got on the plane.

Now, for those who know me, I’m a woman of many words, but if I had to describe Yiwu in one work, it would definitely be Ugh!

And there is no “lack of a better word”.

Seriously.

Allow me to begin with the (few) good facts about the city, before I trash it.

After all, I am here to paint a complete picture should you decide to make the mistake of coming to live here.

This is what Yiwu has to offer you:

And that’s the end of my list. 

Nice, huh!?

Oh! There is also a very nice Chabad House. Maybe that should be at the top of my list.

This lovely town is manufacturing-central: located in the richest province in China – Zhejiang- and has about 1.5 million Chinese who don’t speak English.

Yiwu is business oriented, money-talking, lightly to heavily polluted depending on the time of year, speaks some sort of horrific Chinese dialect, and always understand the language of money. You know what I’m talking about: “Hello, Money!?” or “hendou hendou meiyuan (a lot of USD)” to name a few.

They are obsessed with money! And making lots of it.

See picture attached and read the translation…

I can go on about the Yiwuren (people of Yiwu) for days, but I will tell you only what I’ve went through TODAY.

Let me begin by apologizing to the nice Chinese I DO like.

So this is how a normal day of my life looks like:

The Yiwuren (people of Yiwu) are probably the most weird people I have ever met: they are rude, plain, simple, with nasty habits that range from touching to sneezing in the supermarket all over the organic section. Without covering their months. GROSS! I don’t think the perfect Caesar Salad includes non-organic germs, so thank you. The have a flare for making all sort of sounds with the mouths, mainly when coughing, spitting, chowing, drinking,…

Ugh! 

I think this is the only city in the world in which, when you are done with you meal, and request the check with the international sign for “check please” (your hand is writing in the air), the fuyuan (waiter)  looks at you with a dumb look, comes over, asks “shen ma?” (what..?)

Ugh! 

The person in front of me on the bus (I went to see a factory today) is yelling at the phone to someone on speaker.

They can’t hear each other and begin having a most annoying conversation, yelling (they are incapable of speaking like normal folks). And it goes like this (I will translate):

“Hello! Hello!? Hello!!! I can’t here you! can you hear me!? 

Yes I can hear you! Hello?!!? Hello! 

Are you coming home!? Hello? Oh, you are on your way?!! 

I didn’t hear what you said!! Can you say again!? 

I said I am on the bus coming home!!!! Hello!!…”

and so on…

Of course they can’t hear you!

You are on speaker!

On a fucking bus!

While the driver won’t stop honking at slow cars, contemplating all ways possible for passing over the cars in front of him: from the right, from the left, passing between two cars, creating a new lane, driving on the other side of the road, driving on the sidewalk, running over an old lady.

Ugh! 

My last story of the day (oh dear God it’s only 15:00…) includes butterflies.

Not the cute pretty colorful kind, the dead kind.

On a plate.

For lunch.

Served.

I was told this is a vegetable turned caterpillar and I need to eat it before it becomes a butterfly.

Lunch anyone?

Naturally I said I am a vegetarian (which is why they ordered this dish in the first place!!) and went to the bathroom to throw up.

No, I’m kidding.

But I took a picture.

I love sharing gross things with others.

It gives me a sense of fairness in an unfair world.

Ugh!

So, the people, yes the people, are what makes this city worth avoiding at all costs.

More to come should you need more stories of this lovely town.

Do come visit us 😀

The Welcome Committee of Yiwu,

Inbar